What Is Our Hope?

Two burglars, having exchanged an agreement to share their loot, broke into the house of a United States citizen one night. One of the burglars was a Mexican and the other a Congessman. The Congressman genuinely thought the Mexican deserved more than the Mexican government was providing to their own citizens and was only too willing to make up the difference by taking it from his own unsuspecting neighbors. The two burglars shone their flashlights around, diligently looking for valuables, identification or money. When the Mexican pickup a Social Security Card to place in his pocket, they both heard what sounded like the strange, disembodied, low rumbling voices of thousands of people saying in unison from the dark, “Jesus is watching you.”

The burglar had to be one of the following because every other Congressman had an ironclad alibi:

Bennett (R-UT)
Bingaman (D-NM)
Bond (R-MO)
Boxer (D-CA)
Brownback (R-KS)
Burr (R-NC)
Coleman (R-MN)
Collins (R-ME)
Craig (R-ID)
Domenici (R-NM)
Ensign (R-NV)
Gregg (R-NH)
Kyl (R-AZ), who also voted for the border fence before voting not to fund it.
Lott (R-MS)
McConnell (R-KY)
Murkowski (R-AK)
Pryor (D-AR)
Snowe (R-ME)
Stevens (R-AK)
Warner (R-VA)
Webb (D-VA)

The Congressman nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. He quickly made a call on his cell phone to someone named Harry saying something about holding off on the “Bill.” When he heard nothing more after a bit, and thought the commotion had ended, he spoke briefly again into the cell phone saying, "Harry, it's safe, go ahead.”

After hanging up, the Congressman shook his head, momentarily a little unnerved, and promised himself a long taxpayer-funded vacation after the next big campaign contribution. He clicked the flashlight on again and began searching for more valuables to redistribute to the Mexican. Just as he pulled the home owner’s Health Care Insurance Card from a drawer and was reaching for their children’s Student ID card, clear as a bell he thought he heard the voices again, millions of people saying, “Jesus is watching you.”

Freaked out (speaking in the vernacular), the Congressman shone his flashlight around frantically, looking for the source of the voices. The Mexican never flinched and continued to ransack the house. Finally, in the corner of the room, the Congressman’s flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?" the Congressman hissed in a half-whisper at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The Congressman relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world do you think you are?"

"Moses," replied the parrot.

"Moses?" the Congressman laughed. "What kind of voter would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of voter that would name a Rottweiler, ‘Jesus.’"

Posted June 28, 2007 01:50 AM
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